dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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