1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
