Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
