My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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