Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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