Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
