Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
