we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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