That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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