I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
