Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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