We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
