I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
