why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
