My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
