Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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