Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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