I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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