I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
