Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
