I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
