Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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