There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
