I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
