So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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