we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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