Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
