i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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