I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
