Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize