I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
