You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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