I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
