if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize