I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
