The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
