Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm too high and old for this...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
