plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
