i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
