New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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