I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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