I hate your face
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
