i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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