everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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