just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
