hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize