sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
