Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
