i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
