Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
