At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
please don't ironically join a cult
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