I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
