Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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