Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
