I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
