I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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