JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
