You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
