I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
