so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
