i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
FUCK WHALES
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize